'It is fifty years since I began my collection of Petula Clark clippings'... I keep my Petula Clark files in a remote secure storage facility. The perimeter fence is electrified, and patrolled by wolves. The wolves are not electrified, but I am working on it, in partnership with the animal behaviourist ... Read More...
Funny
Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives - bringing you absurdly abbreviated biographies of the great men and women of history - is published by Constable and is available to buy now. It makes an ideal Christmas present. Dabbler editor Andrew Nixon ('Brit') has written the preface, a version of which we reproduce ... Read More...
I’m always amazed that some people are content to live in places other than Bristol. Eejits. My dear friend Martin, for instance, has to come all the way from Cardiff (a poor imitation of Bristol with added delusions of Welsh grandeur, of all things) to get a decent night out ... Read More...
As the tale of Maud and Beelzebub continues to get wildly out of hand, maidservant Baines is getting strange ideas... “Dust that gewgaw, Baines. As you can see, I am slumped on the chaise-longue, listless and enervated, taking dainty sips from a china cup of what I am given to understand ... Read More...
Nobody can prepare devilled kidneys better than the devil himself... Greetings. My name is Beelzebub, and I am the devil incarnate. You may have seen pictures of me, colour plates in books or crude engravings in religious tracts, where I am often depicted with a goaty appearance, with horns and cloven hooves ... Read More...
[Voiceover:] Previously, on Maud. Having refused to go into the garden with a cad, Maud has taken a draft of laudanum. On waking, she is disturbed by a knocking at her door. The visitor is a person from Porlock, come on business…. “Good heavens, sir. By the evidence of the number ... Read More...
Having refused to come into the garden, Maud retires to the house. But her troubles are only just beginning... And so it happened that Maud, having resisted the blandishments of the cad whose dearest wish was to coax her into the garden, repaired, not to her inner sanctum to do her ... Read More...
My favourite Australian - the competition is not stiff - is Michael ‘Maxy’ Klinger. Michael Klinger is a softly-spoken, slender, crooked man with austerely cropped grey hair and the permanent wrinkled grin that pale-skinned Antipodeans have evolved to cope with the sun. He makes a living by carefully, repetitively striking ... Read More...
A variation on a theme of Alfred, Lord Tennyson... “Come into the garden, Maud.” “Not on your nelly. You know only too well that I am a neurasthenic recluse, and I prefer to remain in my bungalow with the windows shuttered, sitting at my escritoire penning tear-stained verses. When I have finished ... Read More...
Back in September 2013, Frank Key posted on The Dabbler his idea of writing a book of very, very brief lives. Thanks in part to the enthusiastic reaction of the Dabbler audience and commenters, this idea has now become a reality, and Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives will ... Read More...
