An extract from The Bumper Book of Anti-Communist Nursery Rhymes, first published in 1956.... Lars and Maud went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Lars fell down and clonked his crown and Maud came tumbling after. They rolled and tumbled further down, tumbling pell mell, ‘Til they came bumping to a ... Read More...
Key’s Cupboard
The mind of Frank Key
What happened to Gunner Pitkin behind enemy lines?... Gunner Pitkin found himself stranded behind enemy lines. He hid in a barn. There was a cow in the barn. It was an enemy cow. Back in the field tent, Gunner Pitkin had had dinned into his head, by the captain, where his duty lay. It was an ... Read More...
A touching story of boy and animal - a bit like Kes, but with ants... In the long ago, I was a quiet and well-behaved child, and I rarely got into trouble. There was one occasion, however, when I caused something of a hoo-hah at my primary school. I did not ... Read More...
Last week, Frank posted a birthday homage to David Bowie. This week, alas, a second homage has become necessary. This one includes several references to another titanic figure of modern music. Stay well, John Lydon, stay well. There is a fictional character named, somewhat foolishly, “Ziggy Stardust”, the creation of a ... Read More...
To mark David Bowie's 69th birthday, a tale of gravy... Over forty years ago, David Bowie demanded “Lay me place and bake me pie!”, not unreasonably in the circumstances, as he added, “I’m starving for me gravy!” We have all, I think, been there, as they say nowadays. I have certainly ... Read More...
A true story, from the desert... I was riding through the desert on a horse with no name. This was asking for trouble, and sure enough, after passing plants and birds and rocks and things and sand and hills and rings we arrived at a Horse Registration Station. A cowpoke in ... Read More...
The Petula Clark trilogy concludes in thrilling fashion... Just as Jason Bourne has an identity, a supremacy, and an ultimatum, so Petula Clark has files, a project – and a minefield. The Petula Clark minefield was the happy outcome of my determination, with the Petula Clark project, to put to good ... Read More...
Our hero comes under questioning for his Petula Clark files. Fortunately he has a plan, of sorts... For more years than I could count, my Petula Clark files had lain undisturbed in a remote secure storage facility guarded by wolves. It would be a platitude to say that the files were ... Read More...
'It is fifty years since I began my collection of Petula Clark clippings'... I keep my Petula Clark files in a remote secure storage facility. The perimeter fence is electrified, and patrolled by wolves. The wolves are not electrified, but I am working on it, in partnership with the animal behaviourist ... Read More...
Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives - bringing you absurdly abbreviated biographies of the great men and women of history - is published by Constable and is available to buy now. It makes an ideal Christmas present. Dabbler editor Andrew Nixon ('Brit') has written the preface, a version of which we reproduce ... Read More...