Belated Birthday Celebration

Last week Frank Key was placed in the unseemly position of having to shout his head off at the editors of The Dabbler for neglecting to devote Saturday to a celebration of Yoko Ono’s 79th birthday. To placate Frank, we are using the space in his cupboard this week to publish, exclusively, a brand new artwork by the birthday girl (allegedly).

Being 79 : A Celebration

1. Go and stand in the middle of a field.

2. Look up at the sky.

3. Say “Hello clouds”.

4. Say “Hello sky”.

5. Say “Hello trees”.

6. Say “Hello John”.

7. Say “War is over”.

8. Go to your bank.

9. Withdraw all the money from your bank account.

10. Put all your money into a parcel and send it to Yoko.

11. Yoko loves you.

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About Author Profile: Frank Key

Frank Key is a London-based writer, blogger and broadcaster best known for his Hooting Yard blog, short-story collections and his long-running radio series Hooting Yard on the Air, which has been broadcast weekly on Resonance FM since April 2004. By Aerostat to Hooting Yard - A Frank Key Reader, an ideal introduction to his fiction, is published for Kindle by Dabbler Editions. Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives was published in October 2015 by Constable and is available to buy online and in all good bookshops.

8 thoughts on “Belated Birthday Celebration

    February 24, 2012 at 07:42

    The British public’s relationship with this ambitious elf has always been uneasy for the reason we all know, and when she decided in the late 60’s that she was going to be a musician as well as an ‘artist’, the stage was set for a lifetime of abuse. Taking myself along to the Albert Hall to see Ornette Coleman in…er…1968, my pleasure in listening to his way with a plastic sax was ruined by a tiny Jap elbowing her way in, with her now trademark wailing and howling. On a ‘personal’ level she has always come across as rather sweet and other-worldly, filled to the brim as she is with peace and love. 50 years down the pike, the world seems as disinclined as was then, to heed her message….

  2. Gaw
    February 24, 2012 at 08:48

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Steven Pinker in his recently-published book on the decline of violence in history puts it all down to the influence of Yoko, some of it obviously working retroactively.

    • Brit
      February 24, 2012 at 13:30

      In ‘Hope: A Tragedy’ (which will be next month’s Dabbler Book Club choice, bookfans), there’s a pastiche of Pinker who has written a book called “You’ve Got to Admit it’s Getting Better, A Little Better All The Time”

    February 24, 2012 at 09:38

    Many years had passed since the lady from the east Pearl Harboured Lennon when suddenly, the rumours started, she was a posh Jap. How is it possibly, I idly speculated, could Japs be posh? Especially dopey opportunistic pretendy peace activists such as she.

    Was the white piano her idea, I wonder.

    Cynthia thought that she was a right little scrubber.

  4. Brit
    February 24, 2012 at 13:31

    PS I trust Frank approves of the picture I used above. Innit marvellous?

      John Halliwell
      February 24, 2012 at 14:26

      It is, Brit. Yoko looks 40; the door 79

    February 24, 2012 at 15:41

    I thoroughly recommend a careful examination of her Twitter feed (almost 2 million followers). Here’s one of yesterday’s offerings:
    ‘You see a chair as it is. But when you burn the chair, you suddenly realize that the chair in your head did not burn or disappear.’
    There is also a rather amusing ‘Not Yoko Ono’ Twitter account…
    ‘Age is more than just a number, it is also a word. Which when tipped on it’s side, looks like a tiny man going down a slide in a coffee pot.’ Wonderful.
    The Imagine Peace Tower in Reykjavik was lit up to celebrate her birthday. I trust you lit a Peace Bonfire in your garden Frank.

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