Bird Psychology Diagrams

Hitchcock showed unequivocally that birds are the enemy, making it all the more important to know their ways…

For many years I used to wake up screaming, having had nightmares in which the apocalyptic vision at the end of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds came true. I took these terrors to be a warning, and a decisively personal warning at that. “Only you, Mr Key, and you alone, can prevent the otherwise inevitable vanquishment of human civilisation by our avian foes!” This was what I was being told, by whichever gods control our minds in the depths of the night.

Luckily, I realised that in order to prevent the inevitable etcetera etcetera, we had but to know the enemy. With a clear understanding of precisely what is going on in the innards of a bird, we could rally our defences and outwit the aerial fiends. To this end, and using a generic bird as my pattern, after long minutes of study I prepared the two helpful diagrams below. Armed with these, you need never fear a bird, ever again.

Click on the images, then click again, to enlarge.


Share This Post

About Author Profile: Frank Key

Frank Key is a London-based writer, blogger and broadcaster best known for his Hooting Yard blog, short-story collections and his long-running radio series Hooting Yard on the Air, which has been broadcast weekly on Resonance FM since April 2004. By Aerostat to Hooting Yard - A Frank Key Reader, an ideal introduction to his fiction, is published for Kindle by Dabbler Editions. Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives was published in October 2015 by Constable and is available to buy online and in all good bookshops.

5 thoughts on “Bird Psychology Diagrams

  1. Worm
    May 18, 2012 at 08:46

    eek…a penchant for ultravox recordings

    jonathan law
    May 18, 2012 at 11:37

    The sequence Ennui — Flippancy — Disgruntlement — Nonchalance — Desperation — Criminality is surely an accurate summary of any normal Friday in the office editing a Statistics Dictionary.

    And the epic progression Misanthropy — Balefulness — Remorse — Inexplicable Latin Caption — True Grit — Surliness — Dyspepsia would have to be Monday morning.

    May 18, 2012 at 19:45

    Genius. No other word for it. Except, possibly, ‘madness’.

    But it’s a fine line.

    May 18, 2012 at 22:57

    I have a suspicion that the rooks on my roof are suffering from Rex Harrison syndrome rather than a surfeit of ultrasound? Or was that Ultravox??

  5. Gaw
    May 20, 2012 at 17:23

    Could you make a t-shirt out of these too please?

Comments are closed.