I started reading this book a few months ago, so it’s been sitting on my bedside table for quite a while. Twice a week it gets turned over by my cleaner, who appears not to like the picture on the cover.
Living Dolls by Natasha Walter charts the recent revival in sexism. It describes a new ‘lap dancing’ culture, whereby striptease and burlesque are seen to be empowering to women, and explains how prostitution has become an occupation to aspire to. A recent Panorama documentary, Too Much Too Young, reported on the impact that our increasingly sexualized world is even having upon children.
It’s only in recent years that girls have mentioned their bodies in terms of self-improvement and personal identity. In the 1890s girls thought that improvement came from their internal character, so they sought ‘to think before speaking, to work seriously, to be restrained in conversation and actions, to be dignified and to interest themselves more in others.’ These days, girls are more likely to talk about losing weight, getting a new outfit, or undergoing plastic surgery as a means of self-improvement.
But what’s particularly confusing is that at the same time as making themselves more attractive and available to be used by men, young women believe they should behave in the same way as men as far as sex is concerned: Increasingly, neither party is willing to commit to a meaningful, long term relationship. In an attempt to lure the young away from casual sex, an organization called Romance Academy has been set up. However, I notice there’s not a single branch in Greater London.
At the other end of the spectrum, we’ve got William and Kate’s ‘fairytale’ wedding to look forward to. Will this inspire girls and boys to go out and do the same? And is it right that they should? Society evolves over time and new style couplings may eventually morph into workable relationships…
Oh, and there’s another book (bedside table other side of bed) that may be of help in this respect. When I borrowed Don’ts for Husbands from an octogenarian former Second World War fighter pilot, I assumed the book was a 1913 original, as indicated by the cover. However, this version happens to be a 2009 reprint – so perhaps some people are still prepared to consider their partner – and a formal relationship?
Anywyay, judging from Blanche Ebbutt’s list of Don’ts, the key to a perfect partnership is simply a matter of ‘compromise’…Husbands and those in waiting please take note:
“Don’t hang about the house all day…Spend regular hours in your study or “den”, or go out and play golf; but don’t inflict your company on your wife during every minute of every day.
Don’t “nag” your wife (Jonathon). If she has burnt the cake or forgotten to sew on a button, she doesn’t want to be told it over and over again.
Don’t dwell on any lack of physical perfection in your wife. Beauty of mind is much more important than beauty of body.
Don’t begin your married life by expecting too much. If you expect little, you will be saved a good deal of disappointment.
Don’t interfere with your wife’s household management. Nothing upsets servants more than interference in matters of detail from the master of the house.
Don’t forget that character is more important than genius. If your wife is a true woman, don’t worry about the rest.”
I was given that dont’s for husbands book as a wedding present, and very good it is too!
I tried to remember, reading the male version of Ebbutt’s book recently, that with George V on the throne, and the Great War to come, the mad interior world of marriage must have changed a lot in almost a century – but it was still a shock to stumble upon stuff like this ‘Don’t sharpen pencils all over the house. It does not improve either the carpets or the servents’ tempers to find pencil sharpenings all over the floors’. I like the way she steers clear of nookie (Stopes jumped right in a bit later I suppose, and ruined everything). And I suppose that anybody who is married, can benefit from being reminded that ‘just being nice’ is a state of grace that can bring rewards unimagined.
Book learning is fine for sums and stuff, but human relationships?, hmmm.
Frau M and I, 1966…..and over twenty of those were as co-directors are now planning a grand finale, the Jack Nicholson / Kathleen Turner scene from Prizzi’s Honour will be the template. Who has which weapon has caused major dissent and the lawyers may yet be involved, aren’t they always.
The secret of our success, or whatever? I dunno, hang on while I ask the missus.
Worm, I was going to draw to your attention the ‘don’t begin your married life by expecting too much.’ However, seems you are already on the case – should have known that, being the emotionally intelligent sort that you are.
Mahlerman, I love the one about sharpening pencils too. I was going to include that, but like quite a few of the points in this little treasure of a book, it’s a a bit too far removed from the realities of married life today. Yes, Marie Stopes has a lot to answer for – good and bad, depending on your view I guess. I think fewer people are nice today, because they aren’t prepared to compromise. They want to do whatever they like, rather than thinking of the other person and/or the consequences of their actions.
Perhaps you should write your own book on marriage, malty? I’d love to read it…I’m especially curious to know more about the time when you and Mrs malty weren’t co-directors. I bet she’s always been the boss in the kitchen?
I’ve heard Natasha Walter talking about that book – is the thesis basically that feminism has been a disaster for women, but worked out rather well for men?
Not really, Brit. More that the feminist cause (women being able to live and work as equals alongside men) has taken something of a backward step due to a new intepretation of ‘feminism’, whereby some women believe they are behaving in an empowering manner, when in fact they are simply pandering to men’s demands.