Toots

Today, horror fiction and groovy ska music combine in a tale about Toots and his missing Maytals... Toots clattered up to the post office counter, sore perplexed. “Hello Toots, what can I do for you today?” said the friendly postmaster. “I am sore perplexed,” said Toots, “I have lost my Maytals.” The postmaster was ... Read More...

Acronym & Acrostic

This week, strange happenings down by the filthy old canal... I was out sashaying along the towpath of the filthy old canal the other morning when I was accosted by an ACRONYM – an Asbo-Carrying Ruffian Of Narrow Yob Mentality. He growled something unintelligible at me in his barbaric innit-sprache, which ... Read More...

Judith And Holofernes

The ever-industrious Mr Key has lately embarked upon a complete retelling of The Bible (including the Apocrypha) in the Hooting Yard style. Here is an exclusive extract... “How now, Holofernes,” said Judith. Holofernes put down his sack of grubbings on the floor and leaned to kiss the back of Judith’s hand. “Your moustache ... Read More...

Friday 13th: An Outing

A very spooky tale for Friday the thirteenth... Listen, tiny ones. It is Friday the thirteenth, so if you are good I will take you on an outing. I will take you to the old balsa wood factory on the edge of the big blue lake. Every Friday the thirteenth at ... Read More...

Get Carter

Today, some classic British noir... “Get carter!” That was my instruction, that morning, from the overseer. But there were so many carters passing along the lane, driving their carts to, or back from, the market square in the village, that I had no idea which carter to get. Nor did I have ... Read More...