Old Key’s Almanacke, MMXIV

We are honoured once again to publish Old Key’s Almanacke, a series of unerringly accurate (as you will see from the last edition) predictions for the coming twelvemonth…

January : Police swoop on all living octogenarian light entertainers not yet arrested under Operation Yewtree.

February : Twitcher spots corncrake through binoculars.

March : Scientists discover tiny particle of sentient brain inside head of Russell Brand.

April : The cruellest month.

May : Rich Tea biscuits, voted the nation’s favourite, left uneaten at bottom of tin.

June : Scientists revise their view of the “Brand particle” (see March) after further experiments show it is merely a smudge on their X-rays.

July : Blockbuster film Foolish People Running Away From Big Explosions In 3D breaks box office records.

August : Kerfuffle in far-away country between people of whom we know nothing.

September : Farmer leans on fence and bemoans weather.

October : In cabinet reshuffle, Eric Pickles moves up, down, sideways, and shakes it all about.

November : Hampstead-based novelist publishes shattering novel about life of novelist living in Hampstead.

December : In his Christmas message, Ringo Starr makes peace sign and declares “peace and love” in a grumpy voice.

And another prediction we can guarantee to come true: By Aerostat to Hooting Yard: A Frank Key Reader, published for Kindle by Dabbler Editions, will be coming very soon…
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About Author Profile: Frank Key

Frank Key is a London-based writer, blogger and broadcaster best known for his Hooting Yard blog, short-story collections and his long-running radio series Hooting Yard on the Air, which has been broadcast weekly on Resonance FM since April 2004. By Aerostat to Hooting Yard - A Frank Key Reader, an ideal introduction to his fiction, is published for Kindle by Dabbler Editions. Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives was published in October 2015 by Constable and is available to buy online and in all good bookshops.

One thought on “Old Key’s Almanacke, MMXIV

  1. johngjobling@googlemail.com'
    January 3, 2014 at 14:49

    Oh bother, not worth getting out of me burrow then, not unless Kim Jong Un runs out of uncles.

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