Steve Bruce – Sweeper! A novel

Steve Bruce, the former Manchester United player, was sacked as manager of Sunderland last week. Fortunately, Bruce has an alternative career to fall back on. Few people realise that a decade ago Bruce self-published two short football-based thrillers – sort of soccer-based versions of Dick Francis – entitled Striker! and Sweeper! (A proposed third instalment, Defender! was alas, never completed.)
Both can still be bought online if you hunt around. Sweeper! is much the funnier better of the two. Here’s Brit’s review…

Penned during the 1999/2000 season, while Steve Bruce was manager of Huddersfield Town FC, the protagonist of Sweeper! is one Steve Barnes, manager of the fictional Leddersfield Town FC.

From that information alone you will, I’m sure, already have an inkling about this novel. And you’d be right: it is one of the great postmodern, deconstructionist works in the British literary canon.

From the very first page, Bruce/Barnes questions the reader’s preconceptions about identity, as club owner “Sir Lawrence Brook” becomes “Sir Laurence Brook” within the space of two sentences. Snide thoughts that this might be a typo due to the lack of a proofreader/editor are quickly dismissed, as the sheer quantity of fundamental spelling inconsistencies can leave the reader in no doubt that they are perfectly deliberate. Not least, Leddersfield Town itself regularly transmogrifies into Leddersford Town. And back again.

Indeed, look carefully and you’ll see that Bruce’s challenging explorations of identity are prefigured by the specially-commissioned cover art, in which we see the real Bruce standing alongside his assistant John Deehan, onto whose image a (deliberately) crude moustache and hairstyle have been photoshopped. Thus, while Bruce/Barnes remains ‘real’, Deehan has been ‘fictionalised’ (in the book he is known as ‘Jock Durham’. Mostly.). But what is ‘real’? Again and again, Bruce/Barnes forces us to confront this question; and again and again, he denies us a clearcut answer.

Bruce’s control of plot and pacing is a masterful high wire act as he treads a delicate line between the direct and the elusive. Delivered in brutally minimalist, matter-of-fact prose (His office was comfortable. There was a computer on the desk.) which also serves as a witty pastiche of the Dan Brown school of writing, the story of a football manager caught up in the affairs of Israeli Nazi-hunters and fanatical kidnappers ought to be easy to follow, yet somehow Bruce contrives to baffle and confuse. By the plot’s ‘conclusion’ the reader will be none the wiser as to the motives of any of the main characters, nor indeed what any of them actually did, nor who they were, nor the significance of any of it to the subplot about Bruce trying a five-three-two sweeper formation for the match against ‘Burnwick’.

As one of the country’s most accomplished defenders in the early 1990s, Steve Bruce was expert at breaking up opposition attacks. He transfers these skills brilliantly to the page, wrongfooting the complacent reader at every turn. We are never allowed to settle as Bruce/Barnes frequently halts the narrative flow with lengthy asides about the technical specifications of his Jaguar motorcar, or some football grounds he has known, or his wife’s predilection for shopping. My favourite example, as we wait eagerly for Bruce to embark on a dangerous mission, is this pensée about breakfast:

I prepared and ate breakfast. My mother always impressed on me as a lad the importance of a good breakfast. I don’t go the full Monty: I can manage without a pork chop and black pudding. But I like cereals, followed by bacon and eggs. And toast with marmalade. All washed down with tea. That’s the kind of breakfast a man such as me needs.

Bathetic statements of the mundane, stark in their beauty, are sprinkled through the text like precious jewels woven into a tapestry: Then my mobile telephone rang. I did not curse the interruption. A mobile phone is a necessary instrument of modern business. And better still: It is a building more than one hundred years old. Built in the Italian style, someone told me. I wouldn’t have known. Architecture, like much else, is a closed book to me. I cannot have been the only reader to have found that phrase ‘like much else’ profoundly moving.

But these apparent non-sequiturs are of course the whole point: the ghastly, nauseous reality of the ‘ordinary’ – Bruce has been reading his existentialists! Sartre, Kafka, Joyce, Henry Miller: these are Bruce’s literary heroes and mentors. Yet by absorbing the approach of the modernist and postmodernist writers and taking it into new, common-man territory – that of Nationwide First Division football management circa 1999 – Bruce/Barnes democratises these challenging ideas like no other professional sportsman-turned-self-published novelist based in the north east of England of the last thirty years. The following extract, in which Bruce/Barnes faces the prospect of being shot, succinctly encapsulates the ethos:

The gun was level with my belly. So this was what it was like to die. There was no doubt I was going to die. And not even in Newcastle. Not even Premier League. In Halifax, of all places, with a club in the third division.

Thus Sweeper! confronts the reader with as chilling a meditation on mortality as you’ll find. Dabbler rating: Five thumbs up!

Brit would like to thank Jon Hotten, who introduced him to Bruce’s attempts at fiction a few years ago. This review originally appeared on Brit’s Think of England blog and still receives lots of traffic from Sunderland and Man Utd fans.
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About Author Profile: Brit

'Brit' is the blogging name of Andrew Nixon, a writer and publisher who lives in Bristol. He is the editor and co-founder of The Dabbler.

7 thoughts on “Steve Bruce – Sweeper! A novel

  1. Wormstir@gmail.com'
    Worm
    December 6, 2011 at 11:22

    If I had an ereader I would almost be tempted to get hold of this for a laugh

  2. jonhotten@aol.com'
    December 6, 2011 at 11:59

    I love this book. Bruce himself has described it as ‘rubbish’ but he’s wrong. And he did what 99 per cent of people who say they’re writing a book don’t manage – he finished it [at least, I think he finished it, or I think he thinks he finished it]. The plot twist featuring some terrorists that Barnes identifies as Israelis is somewhat convoluted but it does conclude.

    Anyway, Worm I’d urge you to seek out a physical copy. An e-version wouldn’t give half the pleasure.

  3. Worm
    December 6, 2011 at 12:12

    Surely I wouldn’t be able to afford the astronomical prices that this book must be fetching amongst antiquarian booksellers these days? :)

    SB was actually a regular customer of our business when he was working at Birmingham, our staff all said he was quite friendly and nice

  4. hooting.yard@googlemail.com'
    December 6, 2011 at 16:12

    OK, that’s it. I am destroying everything I have written to date and starting all over again with Steve Bruce as my guide, my teacher, my inspiration.

    • Brit
      December 7, 2011 at 12:39

      You could do a lot worse Frank.

      As Jon notes, you come away from this with greater, not less, admiration and fondness for Bruce.

  5. jonhotten@aol.com'
    December 6, 2011 at 16:46

    Inspired by the review and Brit’s comment that the original post still gets lots of traffic, I just found this in the Independent, 4 Dec 1999:

    Bruce set to thrill with killer stories

    STEVE BRUCE, Huddersfield Town’s manager, has branched into literature and written a novel, Striker!, which tells the tale of a retired footballer, Steve Barnes, who manages the fictional Leddersford Town.

    “Steve’s not TS Eliot or Samuel Becket, but the book’s a damn good read,” Reggie Sharp, of the publishers, Paragon Press, said. “It’s full of twists and turns, excitement and cliff-hangers,” he added, “and it’s written in popular, simple, language.” Sharp said that the book will appeal to “anyone from 14 to 56, men and women”, although he did not elaborate why a 57-year-old may find the book unsuitable reading.

    The 128-page Striker! is to be released on 17 December, and will be, according to Sharp, the first of three novels in the next four months by the former Manchester United defender, who is currently the First Division’s Manager of the Month. Striker! involves the murder of a young player, and our hero, Barnes, becomes the chief suspect. Next week we’ll reveal more (bet you can’t wait) about the plots of the next two books, Sweeper! and Defender!”

    Now we have to wonder whether, given the Bruce-like nature of his quotes ‘Reggie Sharp’ was really the great man putting on a slightly different voice on the phone.

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