Royal Wedding Tack

Roll up! Roll up! A royal wedding just wouldn’t be a royal wedding without an avalanche of tat for simpletons to stockpile, so with great fanfare we present The Dabbler’s guide to the most dispensible wedding mementos out there…

First up, we have Royal Wedding Top Trumps -which might bring a royal flush of excitement should one be lucky enough to have Prince William in your hand. Less so if you’ve been dealt a Prince Edward…

Next we have an heirloom piece fit to grace your leaded-windowed cabinet for years to come, The Franklin Mint Kate Middleton Royal Engagement Vinyl Portrait Doll – a priceless artifact that will allow the lucky few to ‘experience the thrill of her engagement by owning one of the most elegant and regal treasures in the world.’

Of course should Kate’s engagement replicated via the medium of a vinyl doll get you all hot under the ermine collar, then may I suggest that you avoid passing on any royal hereditary diseases such as hemophilia by protecting your crown jewels with some souvenir condoms..

On the big day itself, the stomach curdling combination of Elton John, coronation chicken, kir royals and Huw Edwards might just necessitate some sort of official sick bags (although I note with sadness that they are sold out)

And finally, for the drooling inbred royal relative hidden away in a care home for decades who really wants something to commerate the day in style, a six foot tall refrigerator featuring the lucky couple!

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About Author Profile: Worm

In between dealing with all things technological in the Dabbler engine room, Worm writes the weekly Wikiworm column every Saturday and our monthly Book Club newsletters.

12 thoughts on “Royal Wedding Tack

  1. Brit
    April 28, 2011 at 14:29

    I’d love to know how they pad out that Top Trumps set once they get beyond the Royals anyone has heard of. Are they reduced to including the Beckhams, do you think?

  2. Worm
    April 28, 2011 at 14:33

    Well there’s how many corgis? Plus Paul Burrell (rock factor:10) David Dimbleby and Jenny Bond for starters

  3. Gaw
    April 28, 2011 at 14:40

    Also I’m wondering what the Top Trump categories are? Presumably there’s a Royal Power one where the Queen scores 10 (Elizabeth II rather than Elton, that is).

    • Brit
      April 28, 2011 at 14:52

      Gaffe Propensity?

      Obviously Philip and Fergie score 10, Charles a 9…

    April 28, 2011 at 15:18

    I want that refrigerator, and I want it now!

      April 28, 2011 at 16:58

      me too!!!!

    Banished To A Pompous Land
    April 28, 2011 at 15:42

    Oh god! Kir Royal!

    I havent had one since I got memorably wrecked on them, amongst other things, in Lyon so many years ago. 20 Years??

    I still don’t know how the hotel room bed came to be missing a leg.

    April 28, 2011 at 17:33

    You have picked the best of the bunch, Worm – Though I rather fancied the souvenir knitting pattern kit (surely sold out by now…) Apparently the secret of Prince William’s toothy smile is chain stitch – and getting the corgis’ ears to stand to attention requires 2.25 needles. Love the heritage condoms – suggest a Lords, Latex and Gentlemen speech for the reception…

    April 28, 2011 at 19:10

    It’s rumoured that some tasteless Herbert is selling K-W condoms, shaped like the the royal yacht Britannia and jangling Handel’s contraception anthem, available online @ 10 Euro’s per pack.
    What are you doing tomorrow, me, I’m off up the Cheviot, nine AM sharp.

    Joey Joe Joe Jr.
    April 28, 2011 at 20:15

    The packet of royal johnnies made me chuckle Worm, but the slogan on the side may have ruined Brit’s blog for me forever.

    April 29, 2011 at 14:10

    Brilliant – I would never have discovered how wonderful the world really is, had you not collected these lovely things together in this excellent post.

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