Key’s Cupboard : Firestarters!

Key's Cupboard

This week, I thought it was about time I provided Dabblerists with some useful information, instead of the usual twaddle. And what could possibly be more useful than to discover the causes of fires, as noted in the May 1855 issue of The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science and Art, Vol XXXV No. 1? Here, from an article entitled “Fires And Firemen”, is an exhaustive list:

The origin of fires is now so narrowly inquired into by the officers of the Brigade, by means of inquests, that we have been made acquainted with a vast number of curious causes, which would never have been suspected. From an analysis of fires which have occurred since the establishment of the Brigade, we have constructed the following Tables: –

Curtains 2,511
Candle 1,178
Flues 1,555
Stoves 494
Gas 932
Light dropped down Area 13
Lighted Tobacco falling down do. 7
Dust falling on horizontal Flue 1
Doubtful 76
Incendiarism 89
Carelessness 100
Intoxication 80
Dog 6
Cat 19
Hunting Bugs 15
Clotheshorse upset by Monkey 1
Lucifers 80
Children playing with do. 45
Rat gnawing do. 1
Jackdaw playing with do. 1
Rat gnawing gaspipe 1
Boys letting off Fireworks 14
Fireworks going off 63
Children playing with Fire 45
Spark from Fire 243
Spark from Railway 4
Smoking Tobacco 166
Smoking Ants 1
Smoking in Bed 2
Reading in do. 22
Sewing in do. 4
Sewing by Candle 1
Lime overheating 44
Waste do. 43
Cargo of Lime do. 2
Rain Slacking do. 5
High Tide 1
Explosion 6
Spontaneous Combustion 43
Heat from Sun 8
Lightning 8
Carboy of Acid bursting 2
Drying Linen 1
Shirts falling into fire 6
Lighting and Upsetting Naphtha Lamp 58
Fire from Iron Kettle 1
Sealing Letter 1
Charcoal Fire of a Suicide 1
Insanity 5
Bleaching Nuts 7
Unknown 1,323

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About Author Profile: Frank Key

Frank Key is a London-based writer, blogger and broadcaster best known for his Hooting Yard blog, short-story collections and his long-running radio series Hooting Yard on the Air, which has been broadcast weekly on Resonance FM since April 2004. By Aerostat to Hooting Yard - A Frank Key Reader, an ideal introduction to his fiction, is published for Kindle by Dabbler Editions. Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives was published in October 2015 by Constable and is available to buy online and in all good bookshops.

15 thoughts on “Key’s Cupboard : Firestarters!

  1. russellworks@gmail.com'
    ian russell
    February 4, 2011 at 08:33

    What about the rubbing together of two sticks? I bet that’d reduce the Unknowns a bit.

  2. andrewnixon@blueyonder.co.uk'
    February 4, 2011 at 09:01

    “Smoking Ants 1” and, especially, “Clotheshorse upset by Monkey 1” indicate an admirable refusal to create a lazy catch-all category “Other”. I like that.

    Also – “Hunting Bugs” – as in “looking for bugs” or “bugs that hunt” ?

  3. johngjobling@googlemail.com'
    malty
    February 4, 2011 at 10:05

    An extremely exhaustive, eye glazing even, diatribe by front line operatives against the person on the Clapham omnibus. Aren’t fires started by a rapid and unforetold expansion of fahrenheit, or possibly centigrade. frequently occasioned by the Cairo citizenry hurling Brown Ale bottles containing flammable material.

    I absolutely refute the accusation of smoking in bed, in a smoking bed perhaps, I also reject the cruel comment regarding twaddle generation.

    Fahrenheit 451 mate, that’s the bummer

  4. johngjobling@googlemail.com'
    malty
    February 4, 2011 at 10:37

    Twaddle indeed! whilst the internet discourse, intercourse? may occasionally stray from the paths of righteousness it’s content is unimpeachable.

    Codswallop now, that it may well be.

  5. wormstir@gmail.com'
    February 4, 2011 at 12:07

    would a will o’ the wisp count? or is that under ‘gas’

    and i’m assuming St Elmo’s Fire comes under lightning?

  6. johngjobling@googlemail.com'
    malty
    February 4, 2011 at 12:38

    The list lacks geographical context.

    NE England…chip pan fires aided and abetted by the best leather coat falling in, precipitating an even larger bogus insurance claim.

    The square mile…Cuba’s finest lit by £50 notes.

    Surrey…speeding butterflies.

    Wapping…AA Gill’s crayon igniting.

    and so on and so forth.

  7. john.hh43@googlemail.com'
    John Halliwell
    February 4, 2011 at 14:11

    Fascinating list. But no mention of ‘Sex’, which, on the face of it, is surprising, as those Victorian brass beds with their great steel cables for the mattress base (similar to those used in the Forth Bridge) must have resulted in alarming levels of friction. I suppose the Victorians had the advantage of quick escape as they always copulated with their clothes on. And as most of it was elicit, very few brass bed blow-ups were reported, hence ‘sex’ being absent from the table. I’m hypothesising, so might be wrong.

  8. andrewnixon@blueyonder.co.uk'
    February 4, 2011 at 14:24

    Good point, John, but given the notorious prudery of the Victorians, perhaps some of those causes on the list are actually euphemisms for rumpy-pumpy.

    “Lime overheating 44” and “Doubtful 76” are both candidates, but my money’s on “Spontaneous Combustion 43”. Spontaneous Combustion? yeah right….

  9. andrewnixon@blueyonder.co.uk'
    February 4, 2011 at 14:27

    ..and as for “Bleaching nuts”…

  10. john.hh43@googlemail.com'
    john halliwell
    February 4, 2011 at 15:05

    Brit, I thought about ‘spontaneous combustion’, but rejected it as occuring usually when the combusted Victorian was engaged in solitary activity, such as mast………… Yes, I think you’re right.

  11. Gaw
    February 4, 2011 at 16:18

    What are these highly inflammable ‘do.’ things (as in ‘Children playing with do.’)? I assume they’ve been banned by one of our waves of progressive legislation.

    • john.hh43@googlemail.com'
      john halliwell
      February 4, 2011 at 16:28

      Gaw, is a ‘do’ a ‘ditto’ ? I suppose one fire’s like another…

  12. hooting.yard@googlemail.com'
    February 4, 2011 at 16:34

    According to my researches, “do.” is (was?) an ethereal substance akin to ectoplasm. Children and jackdaws particularly enjoyed playing with it. If a sufficient amount could be summoned from the Mysterious Beyond, one could enwrap oneself in it and relax for a spot of reading or sewing. If too much was produced, however, there could be an unappealing mass of waste do, sometimes subject to slacking during rainfall. It had, apparently, the taste and smell of lime.

    • Gaw
      February 4, 2011 at 19:30

      Thanks for clearing that up, Frank. Banned by do-gooders, no doubt.

  13. walter_aske@yahoo.co.uk'
    elberry
    February 4, 2011 at 18:10

    According to my firefighter-trainer students, unattended candles are the main cause of fires over the Christmas period.

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