Key’s Cupboard : Remember, Remember

Key's Cupboard

Remember, remember, the fifth of November, gunpowder, treason and plot. Remember, too, the distressed pig, saved by Special Agent Blot.

The distressed pig was in a leaking rowing-boat adrift in Tantarabim Lake. Agent Blot swam out to it and fed it with nutritious cake.

As the pig grew becalmed Agent Blot took the oars and he rowed to the mud-splattered shore. He hoisted the pig right out of the boat and bedded it down in some straw.

Then he plodded his way in his Wellington boots to the pig farmer’s hut down the lane, and he felled the brute with a thwack of his fist and bound him up with a chain.

Agent Blot dragged the pig farmer off to the prison, bang in the centre of town. And that is why, on November the fifth, the distressed pig did not drown.

Frank Key’s new anthology Impugned By A Peasant & Other Stories is now available from Lulu here.
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About Author Profile: Frank Key

Frank Key is a London-based writer, blogger and broadcaster best known for his Hooting Yard blog, short-story collections and his long-running radio series Hooting Yard on the Air, which has been broadcast weekly on Resonance FM since April 2004. By Aerostat to Hooting Yard - A Frank Key Reader, an ideal introduction to his fiction, is published for Kindle by Dabbler Editions. Mr Key's Shorter Potted Brief, Brief Lives was published in October 2015 by Constable and is available to buy online and in all good bookshops.

5 thoughts on “Key’s Cupboard : Remember, Remember

    ian russell
    November 5, 2010 at 08:40

    Positively Shakespearean! But what is the pint-sized chanteuse doing peddling books?

    November 5, 2010 at 10:42

    Perhaps Toyah could muck in too? It’s not like she’s got anything else to do

  3. November 5, 2010 at 13:01

    Au contraire, worm. I hoped to recruit wee Toyah to the Hooting Yard sales force but, as I wrote a year or so ago,

    “The one-time popstrel Toyah Willcox, or Mrs Fripp as we like to think of her, owns a house which is used to store her ever-growing archive of memorabilia. Every last scrap of evidence of Mrs Fripp’s existence on earth, in all media, is contained in a sort of Uber Toyah Silo, which, from the outside, looks just like an ordinary house. Strange, but true.”

    Maintaining her important archive is a full-time job – though according to my correspondent Outa_Spaceman she did find time to perform some of her timeless hits at a Butlin’s holiday camp on the south coast recently.

    Gadjo Dilo
    November 5, 2010 at 15:49

    Altered Images’ Clare Grogan would be good on the book sales team: with her strong Glaswegian accent, punters would be sure that the merchandise on offer would be incredibly gritty and full of swearing.

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