‘Umbrella’ is rather an exotic word for a relatively simple artefact. An online investigation of the history of this unusually named accessory throws up many shades of meaning, making the topic of umbrellas all the more fascinating. Especially the see also section on Wikipedia, which lists:
Brumbrella
Bulgarian umbrella
Cocktail umbrella
Umbraculum (a must for any Papal visit to the UK)
My search really began when I started looking for a photograph of David Beckham carrying an umbrella to help me answer the pressing question ‘do real men use umbrellas’? I was probably misguided from the outset, but I did discover an image of Snoop Dogg with his personal ‘umbrella handler’, dutifully shielding him from the rain at a football match.
The umbrella was initially a parasol, designed to shade the user from the sun, rather than keep the rain off. The parasol dates back to numerous ancient civilizations, where it was employed by slaves and servants to shade the heads of kings and other members of the ruling class. Any one of a number of cultures could potentially lay claim to its invention. In ancient China, the umbrella wasn’t just a day to day appliance, but was imbued with sociological significance. From the late Wei Dynasty onwards, the Luo Umbrella was used in official rites and ceremonies. Officials in different ranks of a dynasty apparently used differently coloured umbrellas. And the umbrella is still used in wedding ceremonies in China today, as a symbol of wealth and honour.
I stumbled upon a brilliant essay by Robert Louis Stevenson. The Philosophy of Umbrellas was written in 1894 in conjunction with JW Ferrier ‘whose principal collaboration was to lie back in an easy chair and laugh.’
“Any one acquainted with the growth of Society, and knowing out of what small seeds of cause are produced great revolutions, and wholly new conditions of intercourse, sees from this simple thought how the carriage of an umbrella came to indicate frugality, judicious regard for bodily welfare, and scorn for mere outward adornment, and, in one word, all those homely and solid virtues implied in the term RESPECTABILITY.
Umbrellas, like faces, acquire a certain sympathy with the individual who carries them… May it not be said of the bearers of these inappropriate umbrellas, that they go about the streets ‘with a lie in their right hand’?
I was suddenly reminded of Leonard Rossiter…and tried to find some footage of Reggie Perrin arriving at Sunshine Desserts and throwing his umbrella onto the stand in his office – only for it to fall off again (sadly I was unable to locate an appropriate clip ).
Further investigations showed just what valuable assets traditional gentlemen’s umbrellas have become, so I can fully understand Stevenson’s concerns:
Except in a very few cases of hypocrisy joined to a powerful intellect, men, not by nature umbrellarians, have tried again and again to become so by art, and yet have failed – have expended their patrimony in the purchase of umbrella after umbrella, and yet have systematically lost them, and have finally, with contrite spirits and shrunken purses, given up their vain struggle, and relied on theft and borrowing for the remainder of their lives.
And, finally:
‘Not the least important, and by far the most curious property of the umbrella, is the energy which it displays in affecting the atmospheric strata. There is no fact in meteorology better established—indeed, it is almost the only one on which meteorologists are agreed—than that the carriage of an umbrella produces desiccation of the air; while if it be left at home, aqueous vapour is largely produced, and is soon deposited in the form of rain. No theory,’ my friend continues, ‘competent to explain this hygrometric law has been given (as far as I am aware) by Herschel, Dove, Glaisher, Tait, Buchan, or any other writer; nor do I pretend to supply the defect. I venture, however, to throw out the conjecture that it will be ultimately found to belong to the same class of natural laws as that agreeable to which a slice of toast always descends with the buttered surface downwards.’
The all inclusive umbrella of Sod’s law, eh?
Failure to deploy one’s umbrella correctly can have catastrophic personal consequences. Consider this tragic tale from “Poise : How To Attain It” by D. Starke, published in 1916 in the “Mental Efficiency Series”:
“We have heard of a man who was so lacking in poise that he lost his situation because, when summoned by his chief, he became so confused that he forgot to leave his streaming umbrella in the outer office. It was an extremely wet day, and the unfortunate man, instead of being able to plead his cause effectively, became hopelessly embarrassed at perceiving his mistake, the results of which, it is needless to state, were by no means to the benefit of the floor. His despair at the sight of the rivulets that, running from his umbrella, spread themselves over the polished surface of the wood, prevented him from thinking of anything but his unpardonable stupidity.He was replaced by someone else at the first opportunity, on the pretext that the direction of important affairs could no longer be left in the hands of a man of such notorious incapacity.”
Sociologically significant indeed Susan, Mrs Gamp’s umbrella, that iconic symbol of English city genthood and where would the game of golf be without the big stripy jobbies, what,do we wonder, does Peter Allis get up to behind his,
I-a-not-a-dee-afraid, Jah he is my lord, dee lion of Judah, king of Zion, he am my life, he will protect me
Ethiopians walk, in Jah righteous ways..
Ethiopians walk, in Jah righteous ways..
Ethiopians walk in Jah righteous ways,
Jah righteous ways to watch and pray.
Far-I don’t want, no carnal mind.
courtesy of Yabby You, Jesus Dread
Some truth in that, Haile Selassie would rarely venture out into the noon day sun without a brolly.
Here’s more, if indeed more proof is needed……………
Revelation 5:5 – And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Juda, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the umbrella, and to loose the seven seals thereof.
The umbrella, or at least its casually brutal annexation as signifier of an authentically Nietzschean Wille zur Macht:
‘There was an astonishing moment of T[ony] B[lair] selfishness as we arrived in the rain, Jess Tyrell [events team] standing there holding a brolly – TB just took it out of her hands and walked on, leaving her to get wet.’
Alastair Campbell, ‘The Blair Years’, diary entry for Wednesday 6 June 2001.
I once heard Loyd Grossman say that he was advised, before coming to Britain, that in the country, only a clergyman should carry an umbrella. The implication being that the umbrella is still an acceptable accessory for gentlemen in ‘town’ (which term presumably refers to the built-up area to the east of Marble Arch).
Yes, Frank – all too easy to be incapacitated by ones umbrella. Something I consider often.
Barendina, your name is rather exotic too.
TB – selfish? Astonishing!
Malty – uncommonly fascinating comments on this curiously influential subject matter – thanks!
As far as hidden depths are concerned, we may still be scratching the surface… Who haven’t we heard from yet?
As we seem to be informally compiling an umbrella anthology, here’s a contribution from the ever-practical George Borrow. It’s an upswelling of enthusiasm for the implement, which appears apropos of not much at all (well, rain), in his ‘Wild Wales’:
“Oh, what a good friend to a man is an umbrella in rain time, and likewise at many other times. What need he fear if a wild bull or a ferocious dog attacks him, provided he has a good umbrella? He unfurls the umbrella in the face of the bull or dog, and the brute turns round quite scared, and runs away. Or if a footpad asks him for his money, what need he care provided he has an umbrella? He threatens to dodge the ferrule into the ruffian’s eye, and the fellow starts back and says, “Lord, sir! I meant no harm. I never saw you before in all my life. I merely meant a little fun.” Moreover, who doubts that you are a respectable character provided you have an umbrella? You go into a public-house and call for a pot of beer, and the publican puts it down before you with one hand without holding out the other for the money, for he sees that you have an umbrella and consequently property. And what respectable man, when you overtake him on the way and speak to him, will refuse to hold conversation with you, provided you have an umbrella? No one. The respectable man sees you have an umbrella, and concludes that you do not intend to rob him, and with justice, for robbers never carry umbrellas. Oh, a tent, a shield, a lance, and a voucher for character is an umbrella. Amongst the very best friends of man must be reckoned an umbrella.”
[He footnoted the above passage as follows]
“As the umbrella is rather a hackneyed subject two or three things will of course be found in the above eulogium on an umbrella which have been said by other folks on that subject; the writer, however, flatters himself that in his eulogium on an umbrella two or three things will also be found which have never been said by any one else about an umbrella.”
Gaw, you’re very brollific with your comments today – I can fully understand the fond attachment to umbrellas by anyone living in Wales – I’m curious to know if Mr Borrow was using this rather friendly looking umbrella-cum-stealth weapon
Frank – could the new non-drip Smart Umbrella be the answer to those embarrassing brolly puddles (as mentioned at the end of my latest curious trends post).
Not sure that the names of Snoop and Becks would percolate up when considering ‘real men’ Susan – unless misogynistic ex-pimps and cross-dressers qualify. John Steed is an obvious front runner but, less obviously, you could switch sports to something a bit more blokey – rugby say – and then move Becks to the subs bench and put on say, England flanker Lewis ‘Mad Dog’ Moody, and hang a black rolled umbrella from his wrist. I think it works – and even if it doesn’t, I’m not going to submit to the wall-of-pain that would follow my telling of it. There is – I’m sure you know this – a wonderful emporium in Bloomsbury, James Smith & Sons, that have been making, repairing and selling sticks, canes and umbrellas in London since 1830. As I have many times, you can browse here undisturbed, and never see the same brolly twice.
No much umbrella action here though a local shop selling Chairman Miaow Eastern kitsch has some Baby Doll umbrellas in the window. These come in a variety of styles, colours and hairdos to match all, er, tastes, so these days, I’d guess, we’ve gone virtual: when it pours down one simply commands one’s avatar to take the pain. I hate umbrellas. It’s not just the dismal associations with golf and cardigans, it’s the sheer pessimism: Wow, it’s a beautiful day, but, hey, I think I might pack my folding umbrella just in case. No more beautiful day.
Oh well. I think a stout hat should do it. Good for rain or shine, whereas with umbrellas and similar paraphernalia “This distinction of seasons is produced only by imagination operating on luxury”, as the Doctor said in a quotation I found as long as five minutes ago. It looks to me as if that silver-handled, £875 umbrella you link to is intended as an instrument of chastisement for naughty multi-millionaires.
Let us also not forget the importance of the umbrella as a method of self-defence – as elaborated upon by Edward William Barton-Wright and his particularly lethal martial art – Bartitsu
Here’s a video of some really geeky looking men showing you how scary they look when armed with a vicious brolly
And let’s not forget either Renoir’s painting The Umbrellas which is right next to Bathers at Asnieres at the National, and different bits of which are painted in two distinct styles.
Personally I’ve never got on with umbrellas. I feel vaguely emasculated if carrying one, and being quite tall I find women with them tend to poke me in the eye which, combined with the rain, is no fun.
Mahlerman, I was going to mention Steed, but as you say, rather an obvious choice (and actually more of the gentleman poseur – usually photographed modelling the brolly in a somewhat suggestive style).
Mark, you’ve given me an idea for the name of a new fantasy computer game – Umbrellarella – featuring my curiously cool Jane Fonda lookalike avatar… which I’ll be launching from my new Bartitsu studio. I’m already inventing the name.. Worm, why aren’t we all trained in this?
Actually, how about combining Umbrellarella with Bartitsu in a sort of ‘role play for rainy days’? I’m getting rather excited about this..
PS You mean you don’t want to buy a franchise in my new studio Brit? Umbrellarella role play could be lots of fun – if rain isn’t your thing, perhaps Spandex clad Amazonian avatars appeal? We may even get the likes of Mr Beckham interested in umbrellas. I’m seeing the £ signs now…
We have of course been commenting on the umbrella as stuff, the physical object, universally as identifiable as Osama’s beard or Jimmy Carr’s lack of humour. There is another, more fluid application of the word, the umbrella organization, used as a smoke screen for the parasitic as in ‘the BMA’, the doctors trade union or ‘the law society’, enemies of the people, or, and probably the finest example, ‘the BBC’ the last bastion of the dammed.
On a lighter note your Germans, as ever a practical race, have invented the first ecobrolly, employing the very latest laser technology involving the fusion of dissimilar metals combined with the vacuum control of carbon fibre composite forming allied to three dimensional printing techniques giving us the rain guttered brolley with behalter, the mobile Regenwasser-Sammelsystem is among us, Angela will be ecstatic.